How can I help my kid cope with back to school anxiety? 6 Tips to ease the fear.

Back to school anxiety is often based on your child’s fear of the unknown and fueled by their unanswered questions. Your child may be getting stressed by wondering if they will be okay. Questions like the following might be rattling around in their mind:

​ Will my teacher like me?
Will I make friends?
What if I get lost?
Will school be too hard?
What will it be like?

The following 6 tips will help prepare your child for every aspect this new experience and ease the stress for both of you.

1. First and foremost, don’t wait until the first day of school to start their new routine. Start getting used to going to bed and waking up on the school year schedule at least 2 weeks beforehand. Have your kids get up and shower, get dressed, do their hair, and eat breakfast just as if they are leaving for school. At night, go through the bedtime routine in the same fashion. Not only will this ensure that they have adapted to their new sleep/wake schedule so they are well rested, but having consistency with routines brings children a sense of predictability and comfort during times of transition.
2. If this is a new school for your child, visit the school and classroom before the year begins. Practice walking to the bus stop, and from the bus drop off area into the school. Arrange to meet the teacher and have him/her show your child around. Seeing the layout of the school and the classroom in advance will help your child feel more comfortable. Helping them know as much about this new situation as possible is important. Being able to create a visual image of where they will be spending their day brings children a sense of mastery over their environment.
3. For younger kids, write a story together about your child starting school. This is a fun activity to do together that creates a powerful personal narrative that the child can use to help them envision and rehearse a successful day. You can make it into a book by stapling multiple sheets of paper together along one edge. (Children love having their very own homemade books!) Then, just write out a chronological version of their first day back to school and let your child draw the illustrations to go along with the words. Include some scenarios that show your child what to do to tackle basic problems, like asking someone to sit by them at lunch. Knowing what to expect and how to handle new situations eases fear. Read your book together each night before going to bed.
4. If you aren’t feeling crafty or creative enough to make a book, find some children’s books at the library about going to school and read them together. These can be great for starting conversations with your child. Encourage your child to ask questions and express his or her feelings and worries. Reassure your child that their feelings are normal and understandable. Remind them that other children will likely be feeling the exact same way.
5. Practice coping skills together in advance. Role play different situations your child might encounter that are likely to provoke anxiety. Practice using different skills for staying calm and problem solving, such as using positive self-talk (“I can handle this”), taking slow deep breaths, using their five senses to feel grounded and present, and using words to tell someone what they need or ask for help. If it feels too serious, make it fun with puppets or stuffed animal “actors.” Helping your child feel competent in their ability to cope will definitely ease the stress of the “what-ifs”.
6. If your child is worried about being away from you, transitional objects can help. A photograph, small object to keep in their pocket, or a handwritten note are all great ideas. You can also invent a fun ritual to make saying goodbye easier. A special phrase, a secret handshake, and exchanged winks for example, can help your child feel connected with you after you leave. Try to avoid prolonged goodbyes. Keep it simple and fun.

Finally, if you follow all of these tips but your child is still struggling, you may need to turn to a professional for additional help. Things like ongoing tantrums, frequent crying, nightmares or inability to sleep, unusual clinginess to caregivers, or changes in appetite may signal deeper anxiety, and I am available to work with you and your child. Contact me at Dandelion Counseling PLLC at 413-825-9300 and let's talk!

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